Finding my time to be an artist

I refuse to say new year new me, but I have been disappointed with myself. I thought 2021 was going to be my year to change my life for the better. Things changed, but I’m not resolved to believe that they are better. I don’t have any regrets. Things just didn’t work out the way I planned. No one wants to hear the mundane things that I wanted to happen. No one wants to hear from a winey white male about his problems.

I have one thought most days. There isn’t enough time in the day. I know! First world problems. Lately, I’ve been finding time to devote to Part Three and absorbing more literature through audio and reading formats. There still isn’t enough time. I’m extremely jealous of those artists that have made time for their medium. I’ve spent so much time in the last few years scratching to hold onto my reality. Whether that’s my own mental health issues or the fact that I needed money for rent and food. I’m barely doing that effectively.

I’m working at least forty hours a week for We Are Witchy. It's a great opportunity and I like what I’m doing. It’s creative. I’m working with the brand on the ground floor because it has a chance to be absolutely amazing! It all takes time. It all takes effort.

I made a pact with myself before I moved to Denver. As long as I’m creative every single day, then it will be a good day. I don’t put any other specific parameters on creativity. Sewing, writing, drawing, painting, or even decorating counts as a form of creativity. I’ve done all of these things in the last month. Does anyone actually care? Is anyone actually listening? Is anyone reading?

Again, I sound like a winey little bitch. I shouldn’t use negative words against myself, but can I call myself a writer if only ten people have read my work? I’m literally trying to find ways to increase my awareness. To increase my engagement, and find a base readership to continue my journey. I’m curious if anyone would be interested in another proejct I’m working on. As I’ve been working on Part Three. I’m slowly divulging the history of Magick Caste. Each faction has their own history and conflict that needs to be addressed. The rules of Magick Caste are not that old. The organization was established after WWII. To understand all of the conlicts and the agreements by each faction, I needed to have the details to how it all started. So, days before I left Seattle I had the story pop into my head. I wrote out the breakdown of the story and the first six chapters were outlined. I even wrote the first paragraph. In the last few weeks I’ve written the first chapter. I don’t know how I’ll make time to write another book while working on my current series.

While in college I worked part time and I was enrolled in eighteen hours a semester. The fact that I had time for friends was crazy! The only way I made it through college is because of insomnia. I only slept five or six days a week. It was exhausting, but I made it through. I promised myself I’d never do that to myself again. I was suffering from workout bullemia and I lost chunks of hair from my scalp. I don’t want to be that unhealthy again. I’m not sayin that I’ve been perfect since then, but I refuse to fall back into that place.

I just wish I could survive on four to five hours of sleep a night. If I could, then perhaps I’d have more time for myself and my art. I feel that I’m constantly trying to juggle and balance the things I want in this world. Yet, I never have everything that I want. Something always has to fall from the list.

Someday, I know that everytihng will fall inline. I may not get everything that I want, but I believe in my heart of hearts that my happiness will show itself. I also know that I can’t have it all, but if I keep trying with all things, then some will stick. I’m grateful for those that keep the faith on my behalf, cause I appreciate it!