At least it's fall!

Day Thirty-Four: 10/17/2022

What an absolutely glorious day! No students again. It was a teacher workday and thus no students. Even the classrooms, hallways, and bathrooms were still clean from last week. How bizarre to have such an empty space for so many days. Again!

There haven’t been regularly scheduled classes since last Wednesday. I hope these students are enjoying their time away. This fairy in particular reveled another day without wet trash. Yes! One of the most disgusting aspects that I fear every day is wet trash. Liquids that have leaked, mixed, and sat together to create wet trash far more putrid than even human waste. Such disdain far beyond the most detestable malice that this world holds. Maybe a bit dramatic, but it’s an aspect that continues to create a vomitus reaction.

Except, today was maintaining the space I've already reviewed, cleaned, and polished from the week prior. I even enjoyed the fact that I haven’t had to speak to anyone. I’ve limited my words and thoughts to only pages in front of me today. So pleasant!

Day Thirty-Five: 10/18/2022

Fantastical evenings can only last so long. The students are BACK! They came back with a fury. My eyes roll towards the back of my head as I think that these hoodlums are just letting off steam. When they make messes without cleaning up after themselves, I’m only reminded that so many people lack the basic decency to act like a person. When I see large messes, especially unnecessary destruction. The type of garbage scattered around the floor similar to what a five year old would do or an animal of some sort. Untrained and uncooperative beings lacking basic decorum should not be permitted within the premises.

Discourteousness is so low class, so low brow, and I find it leaves such a bad taste in the mouth. In this situation, it was a foul smell in my nostrils. A particular bathroom in my area has been having some issues. The toilet is clogging. I’m not sure if its a mechanical issue or some of the kids need to have their nutrition reevaluated. Today, the urinal also leaked an egregious amount of water that lingered right at the entrance. This puddle caught so much stool that I was afraid it would alter the paint’s hue. It was quite awful. I had to shut it down earlier this afternoon. I chose to get the rest of my duties performed before I spent a serious amount of time cleaning this toiletry quarter.

Day Thirty-Six: 10/19/2022

I never realized how much I missed the sound of applause at opening night for highschool theater. It has been almost twenty years since the last time I heard that specific sound. There is so much joy, apprehension, and absolute love that emanates from the hands of parents, friends, and family. First time to take to the stage for some, and might be the last opening night for others.

The school produced the musical production of The Little Mermaid. I’ve only seen glimpses of costumes, dance routines, and I walked the stage the week before. I’m so envious of these lucky youngsters. So jealous to feel what their feeling this very night. All of the anticipation bubbling up as they started rehearsing so many months ago. They’ve been preparing for this exact night for weeks. So many hours, tears, and laughs have been leading up to an explosion of pure ecstasy. Anyone that has been bitten by the bug of performance knows this experience.

Every time I feel like I need a boost of adrenaline to my psyche, I think about the first time that I leaped across the stage in my ballet performance. It was the first time that I performed a ballet routine. I was almost seventeen years old. I’d been dancing, but I’d never felt such fear and excitement at the same time. I might have been the first boy to dance ballet on that stage ever! I can still recall my costume, the smell of the fifty year old upholstered seats, the pre-recorded music playing from the speakers, and the burn to my retinas as I leaped to the center from the curtains stage left.

There’s a sensation from a memory that doesn’t compare to anything else. It’s so magical. I could sense that from the hallway. It made me cry. I have no desire to relive my youth, but oh, to hear the sounds of applause. To be showered with their praise, love, and joy. There’s a distinct aroma as well, bouquets and bouquets of flowers for all the performers. How grand and generous. I hope they relish this night. I hope they hold this night in their memories for years to come. I hope they will appreciate it.

I don’t mind cleaning up after a night like tonight.

Day Thirty-Seven: 10/20/2022

It’s so fun to be recognized. Realistically, you can’t miss The Teal Fairy. I stand out in the crowd by design. If I wanted to blend in, I’d wear the pre-approved, school embroidered shirts. Which, there’s nothing wrong with that. I find standard uniforms so boring, so absolutely, and monumentally boring. My uniform is The Teal Fairy. Since I document each day on TikTok and Instagram, it is bound for people around the school to follow me. Such a star!

In my own heart and mind.

However, I do wish they’d send their love through comments, sharing, and engaging to my online presence. I appreciate the verbal validation, but virallability requires a different approach. Even though I have a literal degree in Marketing, I’m perplexed by the internet. I don’t understand why some videos go viral and some don’t. Why are some ‘influencers’ given so much clout? It doesn’t make sense. There’s no rhyme or reason. It all seems to be a chance, something stupid in the stars. In the most annoying ways.

For some reason, when people compliment my social media, in person, I become shy. I think it has to do with the fact that each time I’ve received this compliment I’m literally in the middle of a task. I only have so much free time and I enthusiastically try to finish my main duties so I have additional time to work on my writings and research. That research can include scrolling through YouTube, TikTok, Instagram, and Facebook. Necessary work. So, when someone takes me out of my routine, I’m almost flabbergasted.

I wish I had the fortitude to be more assertive and expressive with my words. I think I look and sound like a fool in reality. In my mind, I’m still The Teal Fairy, fluttering around performing their necessary tasks.

Day Thirty-Eight: 10/21/2022

I really do hate to be one of those weekday people. Someone that only cares about how we have disdain for Mondays, Wednesdays are Hump Days, and we are so thrilled for Fridays. How obtuse and unimaginative. Yet, I couldn’t stop myself. The words seem to spill out of my mouth like horrible tasting soup spews from Linda Blair’s mouth. No priests were harmed. At least none that I knew of.

I’ve experienced enough this week, it was inevitable for me to feel indigent. Though, I will write this down. I’m still frustrated with the fact that I failed myself. I’ve yet to get back unto my routine. I keep trying to be the girl or is it boy that can do it all? It’s very hard. One must exceed expectations while performing additional skills never seen before. I sigh in exhaustion, because I keep trying and trying. At least the season is beautiful. There’s something I can look upon to remind me that there is beauty in this world.