Are There Actual Do-Overs?

I’m currently working as a custodian for The Denver School of the Arts. I’ve been chronicling my experiences through social media and this blog post. I put a lot of my own complaints and frustrations down, primarily to accurately portray my true experiences. No filter. There are good days of course. One day, this could be sort of a memoir.

I refer to myself as The Teal Fairy because this is a character that I’ve created. I hope to one day write about The Teal Fairy going back to school to protect those that have the potential to grow and flourish. Schools need more fairies over firearms to ensure the safety of the youth. I also use The Teal Fairy persona as my way of expressing myself creatively outside of the written word.

Thank you for joining me on this journey!

Day Five Hundred & Twenty-nine: 1/21/2025

Today was a test of endurance, plain and simple. After a sleepless night battling insomnia, I was this close to calling out sick. But, for better or worse, I showed up. One coworker called out, another was off, and we were down two people. Lucky for everyone else (read: sarcasm), I mustered the energy to drag myself in.

The shift was manageable, no disasters but the weight of exhaustion made every task feel like climbing a mountain. There’s nothing glamorous about having to pick up the slack, especially when all you want is to lie down and catch your breath. But at least it’s a short week. I’m already dreaming of the weekend, plotting how to squeeze the most joy out of my time away from this building.

Maybe it’s the exhaustion talking, but there’s some bitterness I can’t seem to shake. Too many times, I’ve been disrespected or overlooked here. It’s made me want to stay in the shadows, just quietly getting through my work without notice. I’m not sure they’ve earned the right to see me. For now, I’ll keep my head down, focus on surviving each day, and save the best parts of myself for the places and people that deserve it.

Day Five Hundred & Thirty: 1/22/2025

At least today is payday, and we were fully staffed for the evening. Small mercies, right? But, as always, the day found a way to offer some unwelcome surprises. Tonight’s gem: some genius decided to urinate in the trash receptacle in the boys’ bathroom.

To clarify, this wasn’t just any trash can. It’s the steel unit meant for menstrual products, placed there for trans students. When I went to check the bathrooms before cleaning, I noticed urine all over the floor. As I moved closer, it became painfully clear that someone had propped the lid open and relieved themselves, leaving streaks of urine inside and outside the container.

This wasn’t an accident. Someone deliberately took the time to bypass a perfectly functional toilet and urinal to create this mess. Thankfully, I was able to use the power washer to clean and sanitize everything, but the incident left me deeply discouraged.

These teenagers’ behavior can be utterly appalling. It’s not just the mess or the extra work, it’s the blatant disrespect, the lack of basic decency, that gets under my skin. I find myself questioning how some of them can act so disgracefully in a place meant to foster growth and opportunity.

I hate how they make me feel. I hate that their actions provoke such frustration and bitterness in me. I try to remind myself that these moments don’t define the whole day, but nights like this make it hard to hold onto that perspective.

Day Five Hundred & Thirty-one: 1/23/2025

I managed to make it in today without incident, though the snow and ice still made the ride a bit treacherous. Every time I get on my bike to pedal to work, it feels like an ordeal. If only I could stay home and dedicate my time to writing. That’s the dream I’m striving for. Coming to work to deal with literal messes, both figurative and physical, has worn me down. I apologize if I’m venting, but there’s always something that sets me off.

On a more positive note, many of the classrooms were surprisingly clean tonight. Typically, when I vacuum, the floors are littered with debris that makes it difficult to do a thorough job. But this time, while the rooms needed a good vacuum, the items on the floor were easy to pick up with the machine strapped to my back. It’s small victories like this that help balance out the frustrations.

I also had a sweet moment with a young girl this evening. We were hosting dance auditions, and as I made my way back to the front of the building, she ran up to me to compliment my look. I smiled, but I didn’t linger. I had work to do. It’s always a bit strange when people notice me; I often prefer to exist in the shadows or through the curated lens of social media.

Speaking of social media, the students are definitely paying attention to mine. They’ve been watching closely, especially when I call out bad behavior. My post about the trash bin incident made the gossip rounds today. It’s a peculiar feeling, knowing that my online words echo in the hallways here.

Day Five Hundred & Thirty-two: 1/24/2025

Today, I had an interesting conversation with one of the teachers at school, and it left me with a lot to think about. Apparently, these students are given almost unlimited chances to correct their work. Not just an extra attempt or two, but as many times as they want to get it right. It caught me off guard. In my school days, I remember being allowed to make corrections on a few math or science tests for partial credit, but the chances weren’t limitless. You had to make the most of the opportunity while it was there.

It made me reflect on life itself. Life doesn’t hand out unlimited do-overs. Sure, if we’re lucky, we get a second chance now and then. Maybe even a third, but those moments are rare, and they’re certainly not guaranteed. When life throws challenges at us, we’re often forced to deal with the consequences of our decisions, learning the hard way what it means to persevere or to fail.

So, it begs the question: Is this what we want to teach children today? By offering infinite chances to redo their work, are we taking away the kind of pressure and resilience they’ll need when they face the realities of adulthood? Life won’t always allow for a reset button. There are moments when you get one shot, and if you miss it, that’s it. How will they learn to navigate those moments if they’re conditioned to believe that everything can be fixed indefinitely?

On some level, I think I’m wrestling with jealousy. These kids attend an incredible school. Far better than anything I had growing up and yet it feels like they can do whatever they want without any real repercussions. It’s hard to respect that, knowing how much effort, responsibility, and discipline were required of me at their age.

At the same time, I wonder if there’s a balance to be found. Maybe unlimited chances help students focus on mastering material rather than worrying about the final grade. Perhaps it’s less about leniency and more about encouraging growth. But where does that stop? When does the constant safety net become a crutch, preventing them from learning how to stand on their own?

I don’t have the answers, but it’s something to consider. I think back to my own experiences and wonder if I would’ve turned out differently if I’d had endless chances. Would I have worked as hard? Would I have appreciated my successes the same way? It’s hard to say. All I know is that this approach feels foreign to me, and I’m not sure how I feel about the lessons it’s teaching these students. Not just about academics, but about life itself.